I Thought I Was Ready

Hello, it is June.

I anticipated being back online in a public forum in June.

I’m not ready.

I miss making new “friends” over what I am reading and experiencing. But whenever I seriously consider opening everything back up I get filled with unnecessary dread and anxiety.

My local library bookstore was having a Summer Reading Sale and there was no way I could pass up .50 fiction books. Aside from being a year since I have stepped foot in the store, I felt like a lost puppy. Since January I have been pretty MIA on IG. Usually visiting a bookstore is fun because I’m like “oh! I’ve seen that one” or “that looks familiar”.

That did not happen this time. It was a little sad. After I got over that feeling I realized I could pick up whatever I wanted. I did not feel like I needed to pick up certain books. It was nice.

I did pick up some things I had heard of, others I had not. I’m still trying to figure out how I J. K. Rowling’s Casual Vacancy because I swore I put it back down. Either way I am glad I went, even though it was very strange.

I’ve also been big into the Peloton app since I purchased a stationary bike around Christmas. I’ve been sharing my workouts on my personal (and private) IG page but I’m not sure people IRL care. This is usually why people create separate and often public accounts. It would also be nice to connect with other people doing the same program but I also do not want them on my private pages. I have been utilizing the FB groups though, which has been nice. (Except for the people who take ZERO time to read any posts or follow directions and ask the same question over, and over, and over, AND OVER AGAIN).

Overall though, it has been nice. Do I feel like some of the people I have IRL are judging me a lot harder than people I do not know on the internet. Absolutely. Honestly though, I do not care anymore. There is a block or unfollow button if they don’t want to see it.

Overall, I had every intention on coming back in June. Hitting the ground running. But the more I think about it, the less I feel inclined to do so. I feel like I have found a happy medium. I am a happier person now that I have a very curated social media feed. I still sensor my self in some places because I actually know my audience but filters and blocking certain content from certain people is really a beautiful thing. I have actually found FB to be useful for something with these groups. I’d like to find a bookish one that isn’t so overwhelming but otherwise…. I am good. 🙂

I do not know what to do with this blog though. I have always liked the idea of this space. And I can literally put whatever I want here. So I will probably keep it. I am a geeky child from the 90s who learned you should always have your name as a domain registered to yourself. Until next time…


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