Throwing Up On Yourself

One of the worst things in the world is throwing up. Hands down. Just thinking about it makes me dry heave a little.

What is worse than vomiting after a night out with friends, or after a meal that you thought went down deliciously is out of nowhere choking and throwing up. And not just throwing up like, you made it to your bathroom, or to a sink, or even outside into the yard. Throwing up into your own goddamn sweatshirt.

Yeah.

That happened to me.


I made for dinner one night something our family calls Osho noodles. They’re really just hibachi noodles but the when the kids were little they only knew them as something we got from a particular hibachi place called… OSHO’S. Hence, osho noodles. Anyway. All was well until we were all eating at the dinner table I inhaled a noodle and it went down the pipe the wrong way.

No big deal. Cough. Cough. Cough.

Clear throat.

Cough. Cough. Cough.

Are you okay mom?

(feels like dying) Yeah, fine. Just went down the wrong way.

Cough. Cough. Cough.

(gets up from dinner table and walks into living room to not cough all over everyone’s dinner.)

Cough. Cough. Cough. Cough.

Cough. Cough.

(cover mouth and cough into sweatshirt)

Cough.

Cough.

Cough.

VOMIT!

Yep. I threw up right into my sweatshirt. Out of nowhere. Chucks of half chewed hibachi noodles. It was absolutely disgusting. Until I realized I had to get the sweatshirt off of me because shaking it out was not working. Now THAT was probably the worst part; having to pull a sweatshirt that was vomited into over my head. Chewed hibachi noodles in my hair in addition to one of my favorite sweatshirts.

I randomly shared this with some of my coworkers recently. I am not sure why I did it. I’m not even sure why I’m putting it on the internet.

There is no moral to this story. This is it. Just a story of that time I totally threw up on myself like a fucking child.

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