Happy Birthday… to me

I made it another year around the sun.

Image result for thank lord gif

It’s kind of an important birthday. Not because it is a traditional milestone birthday, but I remember having a toddler and an infant and saying that when the toddler is in high school I will be 36. I will be 36 years old with a Freshman in High School, and the baby will be in Middle School.

I am currently 36 years old… with said Freshmen in High School and the baby is now a pre-teen in Middle School. The time has flown by! Talking about this 15 years ago… 36 seemed so far away.

It seemed like just yesterday I was 24 years old. And today I am 36.

On the surface, it may seem like I am upset about this. About aging. But no, I am embracing it. I am another year closer to the age I have felt like for almost 15 years. My magic age is 40. Don’t ask me why. But I feel like 40 is the year for me. It could be a year of disasters for all I know. For the last 15 years I have felt like a 40 year old woman in a 20-30 something year old body.

#OldSoul I have always felt older than I actually was.

Birthdays are a big deal for me. I have written about them before. Birthdays are my Christmas and New Years all in one. A lot of people made grand gestures about New Years resolutions on January 1 – new year, new me bullshit at the flip of a calendar. Life resolutions should happen on birthdays. Birthdays are never promised. Any big life change I hope to make I make on my birthday. Birthdays are the time to truly celebrate the ones you love on their day.

On this day I reflect on the year past. 35 brought more clarity to my life. I found a stronger sense of self. I felt like at 35 I became closer with my kids than ever before. Professionally, 35 brought respect and trust from my superiors and peers. At 35 I started to actually become comfortable with the body I have instead of longing for the body I had at 24. I realized I am not the person I was at 24, why should I have that same body – even though it was pretty hot. At 35 I celebrated my husband’s 40th birthday and we celebrated 13 years of marriage.

Sometimes I still feel like a clueless kid and I have to remind myself I am actually the adult. I remember when my parents were the age I am now. It blows my mind that I am an adult. An actual adult. It seems like something that happened rather quickly, but it has been 36 years in the making.

Today is my birthday, and today I will go to work (begrudgingly). I will take a spin class and get my complimentary birthday drink from Starbucks, order an insanely good, insanely expensive salade from a delicious deli and enjoy my day. In a few weeks I will celebrate with my family. But today, today I will treat myself and celebrate myself. I am an amazing person that most people will never get to really know. I am stronger than I ever thought I could or would be… both mentally and physically and today, of all days, I am most thankful.

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