Thank you internet. Once again you summed up how I have been feeling.
I could not figure out why I have felt so weird about reaching a goal I did not know I had.
For achieving something I had no idea I was working for.
For doing my job, and doing it well.
I did this.
I earned this.
I have missed birthdays and holidays. I have worked early, late and even overnight. I don’t get snow days. The office I work in never closes. I have a job that not many people could understand no matter how many times I try and explain it.
I can be everyone else’s cheerleader; why is it so hard to be our own. I can jump and down in excitement for you; but for me, I shy away. Status quo. I say it’s not a big deal, but it is. I say I did nothing special, but clearly, I have.
For the people who said I could not do what I have done. For the people who think I am crazy, or weird. For the people who do not understand my thought process. For the people who thought I was not smart enough.
I DID THIS!
I did not do this by myself. But I did this. I really did this. I put my nose to the grindstone and accomplished something great. I have done something that not never been done before. I am the first one. I have set the bar.
Deep down I want someone to make a social media post exclaiming how proud of me they are. Even though I will hate every minute of it. I want my loved ones to tell me they are so proud of me. I want to feel like I have a cheerleader.
I have been mostly officially promoted at work. It is a position that has been seriously talked about for the last year; I never thought it would actually happen though. Then I got the email with the announcement. Then I found out I would have to interview. Then I got myself so worked up I felt like I was going to pass out. Then I was told I was selected. Eventually, there was a Town board meeting making it official.
All of these years I have thought this is as good and as bad as it gets. I thought I would just be biding my time until retirement – I am halfway there.
In a few months, there will probably be a civil service exam I have to pass in order to stay in this position. The head of the department has the utmost faith in me in passing it. It is nice to have someone have that kind of faith and trust in you. Someone who does not actually know you all that well.
I can do it. I can pass the stupid test. I have done much harder things. And I will continue to do the hard things.
I have plowed a path for myself. I have been mowing this path for as long as I can remember. Going in a direction that is not only unknown but unconventional. I have tested my limits; I have stepped outside of my comfort zone. I have proved I can do this. I am pretty excited to see where I go next…