I am not entirely sure where the stigma came from that you have to get married and have kids.
I am not one of those parents that think that everyone should have kids.
That parenting is life fulfilling.
Parenting is probably the hardest thing I will ever do. And no, I would not recommend it for anyone; let alone everyone.
I only halfheartedly believe in the institute of marriage.
A friend of mine finally, in so many words, told me her and her husband decided not to have kids. This is something that I have known for awhile. But it is none of my business. I really just wanted her to be honest with herself. I have wanted her to stand up for herself and the decision I know she had already made. A decision I think she was afraid to tell people because of the questions that would follow. Personally, a reason to not have kids is no more my business than explaining why I decided to have them. Mostly because I do not have a “good enough” reason. I just felt like it was something I should do.
I do not think kids are for everyone.
Kids are hard.
Kids are expensive.
Kids. You don’t even know if you’re “doing it right” until they are grown up and (hopefully) out of your house.
Having kids means putting yourself second.
There are a lot of couples I have met that I am thankful they do not have kids. I could not imagine them putting someone other than themselves first. And then there are couples without kids that I know will make (or would have made) great parents – and I can not wait to see them in that point in their lives.
Kids are not mandatory to a life.
I never wanted kids. Ask my husband. Ask my mother. I very vividly remember sitting in my parent’s home and telling my mother I would never have kids. I would have dogs. My parents would have granddogs. So guess who had their first grandchild out of wedlock and completely by accident; barely being together with his father.
I still do not like kids. I really only like my own most of the time – just because I have kids does not mean I like kids.
It has taken me a really long to realize how having kids can change you. What having kids can teach you about yourself and the world. There are life lessons I am learning that I know for sure I would not have learned without kids. Lessons I could not teach or tell another human being. There are no adequate words.
For me, I realize my kids see everything I do. I am their unconscious model of what an adult looks like and how an adult acts. I have to be an example for the future. I have to be a better person if I want to see better people in the future.
The world does not revolve around me and my wants. Kids have taught me that.
When I see people with kids younger than mine; in the infant or toddler stage I can see how hard it is and I remember how hard it felt. It seemed like those days would never end. For someone on the fence, looking at that life, I can see why the decision can be made to forgo children. It is not for everyone. But just because it is not for everyone does not mean that one decision is better than another.
If we ever meet please do not think that because I have kids that means I think you should have kids. We could still be friends even though our lives are much different. I hope we meet and can be friends! I will support you in whatever you are doing. As long as you support me and know that I can not, and most likely will not, put you first. Being a mother is my priority right now and our lives are in fact very different.
We are both doing things that are hard. Kids, or no kids. I just ask you not be an asshole about it or continually reminding me that “you don’t have kids…” Trust me, I know.
You don’t judge me, I won’t judge you – deal?