Hello… Again.

Stop trying to skip the struggle.

I saw this quote the other day on Twitter and it stuck with me. It is so true. I am not entirely sure when it comes to blogging and writing I so quickly give up. I wholeheartedly believe a lot of it has to do with social media.

I am well aware that the internet is a big place and there is a place for everyone. Everything and everyone can have an audience of some sort. But for me, I see a lot of the same. And even though there are a lot of carbon copies there appears to be a lot of success.

I could make a list of all the things that I am not but what seems to make a success blog.

  • I am not peppy, or outgoing. I consider myself a realist. I don’t pretend I’m something that I’m not.
  • I am not a showy person.  I don’t believe is trying to prove to complete strangers that my life is amazing and wonderful. Again, realist.
  • I am not debt free. Not even close. We have kids who play instruments and sports, a 50-something year old house, a dog with chronic issues, and a new car which replaced a car I was starting to dump a lot of money into. I know it will feel amazing when we are clear of all our debt but it’s a slow moving process. Again, a realist, shit happens.
  • I shop at Old Navy and Target, religiously. I don’t wear brand names for the most part. And if I do I try and not have the logo plastered all over the place. Low key. Jeans and tshirts – all, day, long.
  • I am a minimalist. But I have furniture and do not have white walls. I do not believe in excess; how many pairs of shoes, shirts, purses do you really need?
  • I am not white. I know there is a whole community of black youtubers and instagramers. But why are they so hard to find.
  • I am a normal woman who works a normal job. Self explanatory.

Before the internet was the internet, I used to blog all the time. Angelfire anyone? I definitely just dated myself. After Angelfire there was LiveJournal. I am not entirely sure what happened then… I am not sure whether life got in the way, or if I just stopped blogging because I felt like I had anything to say all these past years. (I used to document what was going on in my life; engagement, pregnancy) But whenever life gets a little annoying I always come back to blogging.

The past few years I got big into the online book community. I had a youtube channel and everythang. I tried so hard with that for three years. I read all the books, watched all the videos; tried to mimic what others was doing. It just wasn’t working. Towards the end of that era I tried book blogging and that did not work at all. I know it was because I was trying to do what someone else was doing.

I remember when I hit a wall on my booktube channel, I was tired of doing what everyone else was doing. I got tired of reading what other people were reading. One channel I followed said to search for reviews on books you like and you’ll find channels that you connect with. Nope.

So here I am again. At a roadblock. Trying to blog, again. But I have to continue through the struggle.

I have always been someone who has lived outside the box. I have always been alone. I never quite fit in so I am not sure why it would be different online. Maybe I thought that there would be more people who are honestly themselves online and would connect with me.

But I have to stop trying to skip the struggle. I will find my audience. I just have to keep swimming… swimming… swimming….

 

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