As the year comes to an end I find myself increasingly unmotivated.
Unmotivated to workout.
Unmotivated to read.
Unmotivated to watch my favorite shows.
Unmotivated to do the things I have enjoyed over the last few years. I just feel tired this year. 2017 has been a hectic year and I honestly can not wait for it to be over.
My sister got married this year so I spent the first several months of the year dealing with all of that. Before that I was dealing with a tough decision we had to make with our son regarding his mental health – hoping it was the right one. After all of that I dealt with a major schedule change at work that I’m still trying to juggle the rest of my life around. On paper the schedule sounds amazing but in reality it is really hard to manage a household with. After dealing with a summer of that I was hit with more layoffs at my husband’s job. Which has caused me the most stress I think all year, after my son’s health. I am a worrier by nature so while we were thankfully not effected this time around, will he be next next year?
Every night I set my alarm for 430AM in hopes of getting up and going to the gym before having to get the kids off to school. But every morning when that alarm sounds I shut it off, roll over and sleep for another two hours. Then I wake up and lay around watching the news until 7-730 when my son is getting ready for school. I am honestly most happiest at that time. I do not feel guilty for not getting up.
At work, between calls I used to sit and read. And before I got back into reading I used to watch television. Now I just sit there. Taking it all in. Just sitting. Because for some reason I can not concentrate on what I’m reading. Or even Instagram; I do a few scrolls then I’m done. But I’m good, just sitting there. But I know the added stress at work is because of the added responsibilities.
I can’t even remember the last time I did my nails. Even though I really want to do them – walking around with naked nails is weird for me. But I just do not want to set aside an hour of my day to do them.
I know I’m just tired. It’s just life that is wearing on me from a crazy year. My life is simple but exhausting.
I am looking forward to our vacation in December. Even though I am nowhere near the size I was hoping to be for the trip. I wanted to look good, for not only for myself but for my husband. I looked pregnant in my sister’s wedding photos, so I’ll look pregnant for our 10th Wedding anniversary trip and I do not even care.
I need a week of no work, no emails, no kids, no laundry, no practices. I need to be able to hit re-set so I can get my much needed motivation back – I miss it.