Is this as good as it gets?

I’m normally a very positive person. I always error on the side of what if…or maybe….(insert positive option here).

For the last several years I’ve approached work (and life) like, if you do good, you’ll get good.

  • I come to work on time
  • I don’t hog all the overtime
  • I don’t abuse my sick time
  • I have excellent time management
  • I do my job the way my bosses and coworkers expect me to
  • In almost 11 years I’ve been written up exactly once.

So imagine the slap in the face I get when after four months in my “new position” I’m told there’s a possibility that I could go back to the schedule I had for years. The position I was thrusted into when others retired and never replaced the one I was forced to leave. For years I was told they were not filling that position. At that point I remember thinking, this is as good as it’s going to get.

Being in dispatch (in my agency) there is NOTHING to look forward to. There is no senior position, there is no supervisor role, there is no advancement. Which is fine for some people, but for me I spent most of life working towards something. A certain grade on an assignment, a higher paying retail job, college, a “real” job, hitting my Goodreads goal. I never imagined I would be with my agency this long. And no one who starts a job would imagine 10+ years later you’d be doing the EXACT. SAME. JOB.

So again I’m thinking, this is as good as it gets. I need something else. I need something I can work at. Something I can work towards. Hence this writing. Hence this blog.

I’ve always loved writing. I would rather write over giving a speech, any day. Or taking a multiple choice test. Plus no one can fucking interrupt you in writing. I went to school, and received my Bachelor’s Degree in Journalism. And ten years later, I’m doing squat with that education I received. When I was younger I had a blog for YEARS (shoutout to Angelfire and LiveJournal). My mother always used to say I’d write a book one day. While I am not ready to venture into book writing I am ready to share my writing with “the world”.

I want to write. I feel I am at a point in my life where I need to write and have something to write about.

I need to make this life more than what it is now, professionally. According to the NYS Retirement system, I have at least 14 more years before I can retire. A little less than that where we financially need me to have this job, says the husband. I can not spend those years professionally just answering the phones and dispatching cops to people who don’t get along with their neighbors. I don’t want to just get by. I owe myself more than that… I spent so much of my adult life doing what I’m “supposed” to do. My personality has always been one off the beaten path. I am now ready to take the path of most resistance…

2 thoughts on “Is this as good as it gets?”

  1. I have often said your job is the hardest and most stressful position in the department. Held to the highest standards but the first to get abused from outside and within. On top of that, there is no advancement or seniority even on a squad level. But this blog is more than about that. This is about yearning for more. That, Jenna, I know you can be great at.

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